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Four year old Tantrum
Hello Doctor, I am a mother of a very active four-year-old boy. Both my husband and I are working, and we don’t have any family nearby as we live in a different place for our jobs. Recently, my son has been crying about everything—whether we don't give him what he wants, don’t listen to him, or refuse to let him wear a particular outfit, for example. We’ve tried our best to explain things to him, but it hasn’t helped. We’re not sure how to handle this situation, and I would greatly appreciate any guidance you can provide.
Answers (8)
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It sounds like your little one is expressing his emotions in the only way he knows howâthrough crying and frustration. At four years old, children are still developing emotional regulation skills, and their world can feel overwhelming when they donât get what they want or struggle to express their feelings. Since both you and your husband are working and donât have extended family around, he may also be seeking extra attention and connection from you. This behavior is common in children at this age, especially in busy households where routines and expectations might feel different from day to day. Rather than seeing it as defiance, try to view it as a need for comfort, validation, and better emotional tools.
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Build a predictable routine to help him feel more secure. Spend dedicated one-on-one time with him daily, even if just 10-15 minutes.
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As a child psychologist further consultation can be done
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HI,
It's common for young children to experience heightened emotions, especially when they feel tired, overwhelmed, or unable to express themselves. At four years old, your son is still developing his emotional regulation skills. Here are a few strategies you might find helpful:
Validate His Feelings: Acknowledge his emotions by saying things like, "I understand you're upset because you wanted to wear that outfit." This helps him feel heard.
Set Clear Boundaries: Consistently enforce rules while explaining the reasons behind them. This helps him understand expectations.
Offer Choices: Whenever possible, give him limited choices (e.g., between two outfits) to foster a sense of control.
Stay Calm: Your calm demeanor can help diffuse his emotional reactions. Take deep breaths and model how to handle frustration.
Establish Routines: Consistent daily routines can provide a sense of security and predictability, which may reduce emotional outbursts.
Quality Time: Spend a few dedicated moments each day engaging in activities he enjoys to strengthen your bond and support his emotional needs.
Consider reaching out to a paediatrician or child psychologist if the crying persists or escalates, as they can provide tailored advice and support.
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consult
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seek help
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It seems to be ADHD. It needs to be handled by an expert psychologist and then you can take over the responsibilities.
It needs to be treated in a holistic approach for complete recovery otherwise it may get complicated.
It can be treated well with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively.
You need an expert psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling Psychologist for the last 17 years. you can contact me through online appointment for further assistance
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I would recommend you to get in touch with a child psychologist for the same. They can help you better to identify the child’s behaviour and how to go on about it.
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Ms. Sheetal Kusumbe
Counselling Psychologist
21 yrs exp
Thane
Hello,
As a mother you, it is understandable that you are concerned about your child's behaviour.
As mentioned by you, you are staying away from extended family and both of you are working parents.The child is seeking attention, love, care and probably more time.
Hence, he may be expressing himself by throwing tantrums. As may not be able to receive conversations effectively as yet.
You can engage with him more, by playing with him, or participating in activities he likes. Creating opportunities for him to connect with other children as well.
This can help him to express himself in a better manner and you to manage his needs accordingly.
Wish you fulfilling and happy parenting.
You can consult for further professional guidance.
Happy Healthy Living!
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi...Throwing tantrums is very normal for four-year-olds. First understand that he is a kid and he needs to behave like one. These are the memories that will remain in your head when he grows up into an adult. While you are responding to his tantrums, focus less on the object and more on the subject. Let me explain it. If he is struggling to wear a particular outfit, try to reason it out with him and after sometime loose a relatively reasonable argument from his side and let him wear want he want. This all has to be done in a very polite manner. Remember, he is seeking your love and attention which is the 'subject' and this outfit is only the 'object' of his tantrum. He will respond to your emotive self. If you become angry, he'll become angry. If you become calm, he will first test your patience, play with it and after sometime loose interest in the whole argument because his purpose is met, i.e., to gain your love and attention.
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Consult a Psychologist
Parent/ Child Guidance and Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
You are correct..
He is playing his tantrums to seek your attention..
As you both are working, probably, you aren't able to give more time or quality time to him.
And he is trying his best to express his need of time from you both as parents..
Would suggest both of you as parents and as couples to consult with a psychological Counselor for a therapy session, to get a clarity and understanding..
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You can reach for further discussion and consultation as I am at Bengaluru.
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