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Feeling very low. Post partum issue
I'm feeling incredibly low and left out. My daughter just turned 9 months old, and we live with my in-laws. I also work remotely.
Now that my daughter recognizes everyone, she seems so much more attached to my mother-in-law. I spend all day, 24/7, with her. Yet, in the evenings, for just 2-3 hours, she's completely with my MIL. If she even sees my mother-in-law pass by, she drops everything and goes to her. When we ask her to choose who she wants to go with, she picks my MIL over me every single time.
It truly makes me feel so low and depressed. Despite being with her constantly, she never seems to miss me or long for me. I can't help but wonder where I'm going wrong. I'm so confused and heartbroken. Is it because I couldn't breastfeed her? I was unable to due to serious medical conditions—I had dengue, an emergency C-section, and then pneumonia, requiring o2 for 48hrs. Is it coz of this that she is not attached to me? please help im feeling very low.
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Hi.,
I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way. It's completely natural to feel heartbroken and confused when you're pouring love and care into your child and feel they are more attached to someone else. Remember, attachment isn't solely based on breastfeeding; many factors influence a child's bonds, including their personality, environment, and the quality of interactions. Your daughter's attachment to your mother-in-law doesn't mean you are any less lovedâchildren often seek comfort and familiarity from different people at different times, especially as they grow and recognise their surroundings. Your constant presence and care are incredibly valuable, even if she doesn't always show it openly. It's important to be kind to yourself and understand that your feelings are valid. Consider talking to a counselor or a support group to process these emotions, and try to focus on building your bond through small, positive interactionsâplaying, cuddling, and talking to her. Over time, your connection will strengthen, and your child will continue to love and trust you deeply.
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Hi
What you’re feeling is deeply valid. You’re not doing anything wrong — in fact, you’ve fought incredible physical battles just to be there for your daughter. Her preference right now isn’t a reflection of your worth as a mother; it’s simply a temporary attachment phase. Babies often form bonds with those they see during emotionally charged or playful moments — like evenings — even if you’re the one doing the hard, unseen work all day.
Her attachment to your mother-in-law doesn’t mean she doesn’t love or need you. She’s still developing her sense of security and connection. This isn’t about breastfeeding or your past illness — it’s about timing, energy, and the nature of interactions. With time, as you create special one-on-one moments — even small joyful rituals — her bond with you will deepen beautifully.
Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Hi, Your daughter is only 9 months old.You are over thinking.May be these feelings occur due to anxiety and stress.Consult a psychologist
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What you are experiencing is something many mothers go through, even though it can feel incredibly isolating. Please know that your feelings are completely valid.
From everything you’ve said, it’s clear how much you care and how deeply you’ve been involved in your daughter’s life, even through serious health challenges. The bond between a mother and child is not just about breastfeeding or one specific moment, it builds over time through love, care and emotional presence. What you’re feeling might be a mix of postpartum emotional changes, exhaustion, and possibly even postpartum depression, which can happen even many months after delivery.
Babies form attachments based on familiarity and who is meeting their immediate needs in the moment. If your mother-in-law is present in the evenings and actively engaging with your daughter during that short span, she might be reacting to that temporary routine and it does not mean she loves you any less or isn’t bonded with you.
Also, infants cannot understand all the sacrifices and love that go unseen. What you are doing matters more than you know, and this phase will pass. Right now, the most important thing is to care for your emotional well-being too. Speaking to a therapist or psychologist can help you process these intense feelings, rebuild your confidence as a mother and give you the emotional support you need.
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It’s okay to feel hurt. Your presence is her comfort zone, which is why she feels free to bond with others. That doesn’t lessen your importance—it means you’ve created a safe, loving world for her.Babies often get excited by novelty. Your MIL might be new stimulation after a long day. It’s not rejection—it’s curiosity. Your consistent love is her foundation.
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It seems to be post traumatic depression (PPD). It is quite common that a woman undergoes psychological changes after delivery.
It needs to be addressed asap otherwise it may get complicated.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects.
Medicines are safe for the child even if you are feeding.
It needs to be addressed in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Ms. Radhika
Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Thiruvananthapuram
Please take a deep breath. Now hear me clearly, though you are currently experiencing the overwhelming, all-consuming storm of early motherhood: you are not failing. You're not doing anything wrong.
What you’re feeling? It’s heartbreakingly common—but no one talks about it. That silent ache of feeling second-best in your own child’s eyes? That’s real. And it hurts like hell, especially when you're giving everything—your body, your mind, your sleep, your self—to this little human you love more than anything.
You’ve been through an extraordinary physical and emotional journey, and now, you're pouring yourself into motherhood only to feel like you’re being sidelined in the one relationship that means everything to you. That’s not something small—it’s devastating.
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You do not have to carry this alone anymore. You shouldn't.These thoughts, these feelings? They deserve a safe space to land.This is exactly where therapy can become your safe harbor. Not because you're broken—because you deserve support. You deserve to have someone listen, hold that emotional weight with you, and help untangle the grief, fear, and exhaustion that no one else can see.
It’s not a sign that you’re not coping. It’s a step toward healing, clarity, and even reclaiming a sense of peace and joy in motherhood. You've done the hardest parts—fought for your life and your child’s start in this world.
Now, you need a space where you don't have to be the strong one, where you can unravel without being judged, and learn tools to actually feel safe inside your own body and mind again.
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If you'd let me, I’d like to walk this path with you. When the ache gets too loud, just drop me a message. We’ll sort through it—together.
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
What you’re experiencing is post partum syndrome. This happens right after pregnancy. The hormones lowers down. Feeling low and doubtful about yourself are symptoms of post partum syndrome. PPD is very common yet needs support to cope with it.
Motherhood too can be very confusing. There would loads of dilemmas that you would be going through.
Contact me for consultation on eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero.
Happy to help.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... A child's attachment changes gradually in this age. You are reading to much into this small behavior of your child. When she grow up more she will realize what is more valuable for her. Children's are naturally drawn to their parent, especially mother. They are dependent on them in their initial ears and they grew more close to the one who fulfill their needs and attend to them. But eventually when they grow up their locus of attachment may change as per their age and environment. Please avoid falling in this trap of comparing your child's love towards you or your mother in law. A child for that may choose a pet, a guest, or even a toy over someone. That only means they want it at that time. It doesn't mean they want it all the time. She will develop attachment towards you once she grow up. Try to spend more time with her attending to her needs. I know it may hurt when your child gives value to someone else over you but try to realize that she is a child and not an adult. It's not their informed consent. It's only their instinctive and random choice.
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Consult a Psychologist.
Maternal Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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