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I am married since last 33 years.
I have problem in my married life. My daughter is married since 5 yrs. I am staying with my husband.My husband's and my nature is altogether different. He is 8 years older than me. He is very dominant. I have to obey him. I have to groom myself as per his advice. He selects my clothes, hairstyle, my makeup. I don't have any freedom. I don't have friends to talk. My husband is ret ired person so whole day he is at home with his phone. I want my space as well as my spare time. Whole day I am busy with house core. He is very fitness freak and very conscious about physical appearance and looks. Every time he use talk about exercise and what to eat and not. He always have complaints about my physical looks. He never touch my heart. If I argued on any point then he gets angry and stop talking about a week or as long as I am not saying sorry and it happens every two three days. He never said sorry to me in our 33years marriage. And now he use to say we will get separate. Please help me.
Answers (13)
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hello there, thanks for writing your query and i totally understand the situation you are in but to help you in better way We need to discuss about you first..It would really help to solve you query
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Hi, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am sure it is tough for you to deal with this. It looks like you are feeling unappreciated by your husband. You are also feeling unloved, unheard and controlled. You don’t feel like you have any choice in anything and it looks like he rejects you even before you approach him for anything. That also means you aren’t even able to tell him what you need from him because he has internally blocked you already. His needs are so overwhelming for you that you’ve changed yourself completely to be the version of yourself that he wants and likes. I see it’s tough to live a life of authenticity with him. I’d suggest you to be in therapy which is a safe space for you to feel and express your emotions. Once you’ve worked on your emotions you will feel more confident about making a decision about your husband and how you’d want to take it forward with him. You’re brave and beautiful the way you are. Stay
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I can help you work on your emotions and help you decide what you’d like to do as per your value system and life goals based on your own authentic self. Love and healing ❤️
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Seek counseling sessions immediately to correct your perception and decision making process.
It will be helpful.
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you can contact me through online appointment for further assistance
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Hi
You are dealing with a dominating and controlling husband. You are feeling helpless and anxious in your marriage. I understand it is not easy to deal with a dominating and controlling husband. Consult a psychologist and talk about what you are going through. Nobody has a right to complain about your physical looks. You are a strong and caring person. Your happiness is important. Appreciate yourself for who you are.
Talking about what you are going through with a psychologist will help you feel better. Put yourself and your happiness first. You have been living with a dominating and controlling husband for many years. You can now focus on yourself and do things that makes you happy.
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Consult a psychologist
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Contact me for counselling session. Along with counselling I can suggest natural foods to calm the mind.
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Problem with dominating people is that they do not have heart and soul to listen or understand others.you have been living like this for 33 years so now it has become his habit to live life in his terms without showing valid concern towards his people.
He seems to be too insecure as a child thus formed a pseudo perfect persona which he feels is best. As you have never objected openly he is too use to this submissive form of yours.
Please start doing things of your choice not to disrespect or object him but for your happiness start with small modifications in your choice of dressing and eating food of your choice.
When you will start bringing change in yourself without harming anyone intentionally you will notice a shift of confidence in you.
When we keep talking about how small or demeaning others have made us felt we give ourself a reassurance which is detrimental to our mental health what your husband feels is his prerogative not yours.
I would suggest you to start working on yourself as in your confidence and strengthening your subconscious mind slowly you will learn yo deal with your husband's narcissistic attitude.
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start reconnecting to your friends and family ( you need not discuss your personal life )
take baby steps to protect your sanity.
If you feel you have no supportive non-judgmental unbiased connections reach out to seek professional help.
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I would suggest its time for introspection why you want to be in this relationship. Take help of your children and your loved one..talk to your husband how suffocating it has become for you.for healing of so much trauma connect with psychologist for counseling
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counseling
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connect
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Hi,You have the right to take your own decision and to have your own personal space.Your husband is emotionally bullying you.You should decide what you want from life.Think about the pros and cons of staying in this marriage.
Talk with your daughter.Get support from people before doing any action.Get professional help if you want
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Consult with a psychologist.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... Everything you shared is a typical patriarchal set-up, where man is the earning member and head of the family and he makes all the important decisions and his authority is absolute, no one can question it. There are no ideal set-ups/social structures in human societies. Every set-up has its positives and negatives, but it sustains till the time it fulfils the larger objectives of that particular social subgroup. In all setups you will find someone in power and others following them but each member of the society feels that this is how it is and this is how it should be. There will be sections of the population who will feel exploited but the system sustains because it is fulfilling the objectives of the larger subgroups. What I find bit strange in your description is why after 33 years of being in such a marriage now he is talking of separation and why you are feeling so exploited now. I believe there are ample details that are missing in your above description. You can seek professional help for your concerns but it takes time. There are no one thing fit all kind of readymade solutions available. Every situation is unique which require unique solutions.
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Consult a Psychologist.
Marital Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Dipti Tomar
Counselling Psychologist
12 yrs exp
Greater Noida
Hello
I read your problem and I understand your problem I can understand feeling and what you feel?
First of all u think and decide what do you want do you want live with your hubby or not & if u love your hubby then u need a help please you consult a Psychologist .
Psychologist or marital counsellor will sure help you .
U can consult me
Dipti Tomar (Psychologist)
Mob. eight seven four five zero three one eight nine three
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Meet psychologist
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Helpful Tips and counselling sessions
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Ms. Neha Ravichandran
Counselling Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hello .. I understand your situation. The best thing to your current situation will be financial freedom.
Though the information you have shared is very little. We need to know more information and these things are generally discussed during the consultation.
Hope you will try to stand up for your self.
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Hope you get help to be more confident and independent
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You can reach out to discuss further in a online session at practo . Thank you ! Neha Ravichandran wish you heal soon
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
I would suggest you both to Consult a psychological Counselor /Marriage Counselor to understand each other better and to overcome this issue..
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Ms. Sharmila
Counselling Psychologist
1 yrs exp
Chennai
Hai dear. I understand what you ve been through. I completely understand the way you feel. I know how hard it is. As a human being everyone need their own personal space.at the end of the day your happiness and wellbeing is more important. We need to discuss this in detail. We ll face this together .
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if you need any help. kindly reach out more happy to help you nine three four four six eight eight four two one.
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happy healing:)
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