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M (33 yr guy) y trauma fear of my dad
From my childhood i just brought by my dads control means i don't have childhood memories with my dad he is a regular alcohol consumer at that time.
He quit alcohol after 2010 but he took me control then , he always want me to listen him. If i argue he scolds me to extent he always wants me under him.
In earlier days i must inform every thing i been to outing with my friends and cant be normal now i am married and have a child of 2 yr old still i in joint family under his control i cant even lend my car to my friend with out his permission . I want to ask his permission for every thing, if i avoid his permission i cant do the thing peacefully i cant even drive my car peacefully and he rant his feeling on me about my family . In simple word if i do any thing with out his permission he treats me more toxic i cant separate from him .
I am under pressure with him i try to speak about my situation he never cars how to explain him some time i felt like suicidical thoughts
How to overcome
Answers (10)
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As you need expert advice due to these childhood trauma or the situation you faced during your childhood which might be showing your other side to your kids. Low self-esteem and other daily problems you are facing.
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suicidal and negative thoughts will only increase your anxiety and stress. so Consult the Psychologist for related therapies.
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You and your dad need counseling sessions.
You need an expert counseling psychologist asap.
It needs to be treated in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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This reflects long-term emotional control leading to anxiety, guilt, and fear responses. These reactions are learned patterns, not personal failure, and they are treatable.
Next Steps
Consult with me for focused counselling therapy to work on boundaries and autonomy. If suicidal thoughts intensify, seek immediate in-person mental health support.
Health Tips
Pause before seeking permission, practise grounding while making small independent decisions, and remind yourself that discomfort does not mean danger.
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Connect with psychologist for therapies
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This sounds like long-term emotional control and enmeshment rather than normal parental authority. Growing up with an alcohol-dependent and controlling parent often forces a child into obedience for emotional safety, and that survival pattern can continue into adulthood even when the person is married and a parent themselves. The constant need for permission, fear of retaliation, inability to act freely, and feeling unsafe expressing your needs are signs of emotional abuse and learned helplessness. The suicidal thoughts you mentioned are not a weakness; they are signals of how trapped, overwhelmed, and powerless you have felt for a long time. Your distress makes sense given the lack of autonomy and emotional invalidation you’ve experienced.
Next Steps
The most important next step is prioritizing your psychological safety and autonomy. If suicidal thoughts are present, speaking to a mental health professional as soon as possible is essential, not later, not after things calm down. Therapy can help you untangle fear-based obedience from genuine respect, work through trauma from childhood control, and slowly rebuild a sense of agency. Alongside this, practical planning is important, whether that means exploring emotional boundaries within the joint family, involving your spouse as emotional support, or gradually working toward financial or residential independence if possible. This does not have to be sudden, but it does need to be intentional.
Health Tips
Start by recognizing that you are an adult and a parent, even if your nervous system still reacts like a child under authority. Reduce oversharing and permission-seeking in small steps, beginning with low-risk decisions. Practice calm, brief responses instead of explanations or justifications, because explanations often invite more control. Ground yourself when guilt or fear arises, reminding yourself that discomfort does not mean danger. Strengthen your support system outside your father, especially your spouse or trusted people. Most importantly, if suicidal thoughts return or intensify, seek immediate professional support, because your life and well-being matter deeply, not just for your child and family, but for you as a person who deserves dignity, freedom, and peace.
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You are experiencing emotional distress due to long-term parental control, which has affected your sense of independence and peace.
Next Steps
Continuous pressure can lead to anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and, at times, suicidal thoughts—this signals the need for support.
Health Tips
Seek help from a mental health professional to build boundaries and coping skills. If suicidal thoughts return, reach out for immediate help. This situation is treatable.
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Hi, Taking control of one's own life is very important.It is not easy for everyone.Getting out from a toxic relationship is not easy but not impossible.Getting help from professionals is important.Consult a psychiatrist immediately since you have suicidal ideation.
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Hi
It seems long-term emotional control that began in childhood and has continued into adulthood. Growing up under fear, alcohol-related unpredictability, and constant monitoring conditions the mind to stay obedient even when the danger is no longer immediate. That’s why even now, as a married adult and parent, your body reacts with anxiety, guilt, and restlessness when you act without permission. This isn’t weakness it’s a trauma-based response. Your nervous system has learned that independence equals punishment, so peace feels impossible without approval. Being in a joint family keeps this dynamic active, and repeated invalidation when you try to explain yourself deepens the sense of helplessness.
The suicidal thoughts you mentioned are a serious signal not because you want to die, but because you’re exhausted from living without psychological freedom. This situation is not about convincing your father to change; it’s about helping you slowly reclaim agency, safety, and internal permission. Therapy would focus on trauma processing, boundary work that doesn’t escalate danger, and reducing the fear response that gets triggered when you choose for yourself. You deserve to live without constant fear and emotional punishment. Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
It sounds like you have been going through a very difficult and stressful situation with your father, which has deeply affected your mental health and sense of independence. Growing up with a controlling parent, especially one with alcohol issues, can leave lasting emotional scars and make it hard to establish your own boundaries. Now, as an adult, feeling unable to make your own decisions or live peacefully is very challenging and can lead to feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts. Itâs important to remember that you deserve to live a life where you feel free, respected, and happy. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help you process these feelings, develop coping strategies, and find ways to establish healthy boundaries. Talking to a counselor or therapist can also give you tools to manage your stress, improve your self-esteem, and explore options for creating more independence in your life. Remember, you are not alone, and help is available to guide you through this difficult time.
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Consult
Health Tips
seek help
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
If symptoms feel overwhelming or impact daily functioning, seeking regular sessions with a mental health professional can provide structured support to help you gain confidence and reduce anxiety
Next Steps
connect
Health Tips
consult
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