Anxiety/Panic. Was this a panic attack?

Hi, 1. I have an issue of recurrent nightmares associated with my childhood since more than two years. Sometimes I wake up crying, mostly I wake up scared. I keep writing them down and have noticed a pattern. This was suggested by a psychologist I visited once. 2. I also have episodes where I sob uncontrollably. It's usually alone and I don't share with anyone. Recently, I am facing difficulty in breathing when I get anxious. There is a negative thought spiral that I try to come out of. One day, I was crying, anxious, my body was shaking and I wasn't able to breathe much. Milder episodes have happened but this really scared me. I also sometimes get suicidal thoughts. Was this a panic attack? I know I should see a psychologist/psychiatrist ( I don't prefer medicines though) but I am reluctant to go to one. I know my triggers which cause anxiety but I don't know the solution. Please provide me with helpful tips and suggestions. Please tell me if this is serious and has a name. Thank you.