When does wisdom tooth removal heal?

Hi, I have lower jaw pain, swelling under the ear for 3 months. dentist told me to remove upper right wisdom tooth as I have already removed the lower wisdom tooth. I have extracted the upper wisdom tooth a month back. I didn't have any stitches. I still have the lower jaw pain and ear pain. OMFS said it looks like TMJ pain. I have swelling in the lower jaw and side of the neck. I feel some small lump on the side of the neck and under the ear in the jaw. It hurts to touch those spots and swollen. continuous sore pain. I feel some soreness in the extraction site too. I went for follow-up after a week of extraction. dentist said it's healing. how long does it take to heal completely? i still feel the gap when I run my tongue over the extraction site. when does the gap will be filled and closed? is it normal to have the site as red color? when I see the site, it looks like red color circled around white. I didn't brush those site yet. can we brush over the site? when it will heal?