Suffering from depression. Many years!

It is a difficult trauma to bear. The decision to stay on with him is yours isnt it? Then you must understand that by mistrusting him and being angry about the past will only hurt you. These experiences make us a stronger human being and make us realize how important it is to put ourselves at the centre of our life...not anyone else. Rely only on yourself but love everyone. This may sound very philosophical but this is the truth that every religion, every self help book and every mentor teaches us. What you need to do now is love yourself. Spend time on yourself - exercise, pray, go out with friends and relatives. Increase your self esteem by doing things that please you. Then you will get over this issue over time gracefully.