Socially awkward. To meet new people?

Hie.............. I had read a quote, “fake it til’ you make it.” And this resonated with me. I didn’t know the source. I still don’t. I had no case studies. There was no data to support this quote, but, for some reason, I put the development of who I was behind it. As you can imagine, I wasn’t so confident at the time. I was a pretty fun person, I think, but not many really knew that because I was quite shy. I crumbled hard on the rare occasion a girl would ask me for a pencil or something. And somehow, in the process of handing them a pencil, I would manage to do something weird enough for them to laugh “at my cuteness.” So I guess I needed something to latch onto. This quote was it. I determined I was going to act like the person I wanted to be until I became the person I wanted to be. So I started by literally going onto Google and looking up, “how to be confident”. Almost like you are doing, I reached out to the internet for answers. You’re on the right path. After doing that, I read through everything I could find and wrote down on a note card a massive compilation of surface levels tips from long articles on specific things to do. And I did them. I memorized them. Despite this, they were still traits of genuinely confident people. And I was not a genuinely confident people. So I probably looked super weird at first. And if you try this, you likely will too. But. It helps. It works. And the growing pains are worth it. I distinctly remember why this happened. Believe it or not, they kind of gave me time to ‘hop in’ and yet, this is how I posed. I remember being too uncomfortable to place my hand on them. “Is that weird?” “Am I allowed to touch them?” Like I said, it doesn’t happen over night. On my way to college, around age 18/19 I learn more tricks like; Lots of eye contact (listening = connection) Repeat their name in conversation (names = good feelings) Turn your head slowly if someone calls your name (turning your head quickly shows eagerness) Walk slowly (you are important, no one is rushing you anywhere) Don’t fidget (shows you are nervous) Don’t touch your face (nervousness) Don’t bite your lips (nervousness) Hold your shoulders back (shows power) Don’t brush lint off your clothes (shows insecurity) Respond to text 1 1/2 the time it took for them to respond (you are busy) Associate with other confident people (makes you confident) And. Two things were happening at this point. First, it was working. This photo was pretty natural. I remember hardly even thinking twice in this photo. The second thing, though, is that retrospectively, much of how I walked and talked felt fake. And I mean… it was. While this one came out well, I generally still felt like I was holding my hands a certain way so to not be perceived as X or Y or Z. My motions and movements were pre-planned and unnatural. So while it helped me develop, it also became a handicap to an extent. If you can find the magical middle ground where it helps you grow without being a handicap, you are in a good place that I was not. But continuing on this timeline it wasn’t until around the end of freshmen year that the training wheels began to come off and I was a free-flying bird. My pre-planned, faked emotions dissipated and became natural. I was actually becoming a confident person. Funny enough, through college people then began to tell me I had natural charisma. Ha. However, this is the moment where it feels like you crest the hill and are looking into the valley of opportunity and prosperity. When it starts to become natural, you start to get momentum. In the realm of confidence, this is when you win. You start to get victories without thinking about it and you are okay with losses

Picture Them Naked - This trick is often suggested to help people overcome nervousness in public speaking as well. When you picture the other person standing in front of you naked, you feel more at ease because you imagine that person as more ridiculous. Speak To Everyone - Your skills will improve the more you force yourself to talk to people. Speak to friends and even strangers when you have a chance to. Over time you will feel more comfortable and at ease with yourself. Expect A Positive Outcome - Don’t go into conversations worrying about what could go wrong. You’re already shooting yourself in the foot by expecting the worse case scenario. Next time, go into conversations expecting a positive experience. This positive vibe you give off to the other person will actually improve your chances of having an awesome conversation. Eye Contact! - Maintain consistent eye contact. Doing so conveys confidence and a genuine interest in whoever you are speaking to. No one wants to talk to someone who is constantly looking somewhere else. Exhibit Strong Body Language - Make sure your body language is on point. Stand upright don’t cross your arms. Make sure your body is facing the person you are speaking to. Find A Common Interest - You will have more confidence talking about subjects that you are familiar with. Try and see if you and the person you are speaking to have something in common. Finding out that you both are passionate about golf makes a conversation exponentially easier. Tell Jokes - Let your sense of humor shine through. Say what you think is funny and also laugh at jokes you find genuinely funny. Tell Stories - If possible, try and tell stories when in conversations with people. Studies show that people can establish a deeper connection with you from hearing a good story.