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Sexual desire
I am 28 years old. We didn't have sex until three months after we got married because I was scared about it. We tried a lot of time, but it was very difficult for me to insert it and it was very painful, so I kept pushing him away.I had a love marriage. I used to get some lubrication when I made love. But now it doesn't happen. I got pregnant because we had sex in pain and now I have an 11-month-old baby. Even after I delivered, I haven't had sex yet. It hurts a lot if we try to penetrate.After that i tried to have sex but I didn't feel anything except pain. I didn't have any sexual desire.
Answers (9)
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Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult experience. The pain during intercourse (dyspareunia) and lack of sexual desire you're experiencing can be distressing, but you're not alone, and help is available. Here are some steps you can consider:
1. Consult a Gynecologist: A pelvic examination is important to rule out any physical causes like infections, scarring, hormonal changes (especially after childbirth), or pelvic floor muscle spasm (vaginismus).
2. Pelvic Floor Physiotherapy: A physiotherapist specialized in women's health can help with Kiegel's exercises to reduce pain and improve muscle relaxation around the vaginal area.
Next Steps
1. Psychosexual or Couples Therapy: Emotional factors like fear, anxiety, or past negative experiences can contribute to both pain and reduced desire. A trained therapist can guide you and your partner through this sensitively.
2. Use of Lubricants: Since you mentioned dryness, a water-based or silicone-based lubricant may help reduce discomfort during attempts at intimacy.
Health Tips
1. Hormonal Evaluation: Post-delivery hormonal shifts or breastfeeding can reduce vaginal lubrication and sexual interest. A doctor may assess whether topical estrogen or other hormonal support could help.
2. Start Slowly and Without Pressure: Rebuilding intimacy can take time. Focus on closeness and touch without aiming for penetration initially. This can reduce anxiety and help rebuild trust in your body.
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First consult a Gynecologist for assessment of your reproductive organ, after that assessment gynecologist will refer you to the psychiatrist (if needed), take steps for your treatment, it will be better gradually
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Heyy
I can help you better with further treatment course needed. U can connect me via whatsapp on seven zero eight two zero two two zero six two.
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Hi
Thank you for sharing something so personal—it takes a lot of courage to open up about such intimate pain. What you’re describing sounds like a combination of vaginismus (when vaginal muscles tighten up painfully during penetration) and possibly low sexual desire, which can both be emotionally and physically overwhelming. It’s important to know: this is not your fault, and you’re not alone. Many women go through something similar, especially after painful first-time experiences or childbirth-related changes. Emotional pressure, fear of pain, or past discomfort can create a mental and physical block, making your body resist intimacy even when you want to feel close.
This can be treated—and you deserve to enjoy your own body and relationship without pain or guilt. The best next step is to consult a gynecologist who understands sexual pain disorders to rule out any physical issues like dryness, injury, or hormonal changes post-childbirth. Alongside that, meeting a sex therapist or psychologist can help you work through fear, body tension, and gradually build back confidence, comfort, and desire at your pace. There’s no shame in needing help—this is about healing, not fixing. Take therapy, and you can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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It's difficult to come to any conclusion without thorough evaluation. You should consult gynaecologist first to rule out any post labour structural problems.
It's very important for you to get fully aroused during sex so that vaginal secretions can happen. Dry vagina can lead to painful coitus.
You can always use anaesthetised lubricants or lignocaine gel while having intercourse (most gay men use it for anal sex).
You can use vaginal dilators to gradually dilate it.
Sometimes past painful experience or fear of sex can lead to contraction of pelvic floor as well as thigh muscles which is called as Vaginismus. For that you have to consult psychiatrist and resolve your fear about sex.
Lastly, sex is not all about penetration. You can always enjoy the foreplay, cuddling, kissing without thinking about penetration. It should be more sensual than sexual. Make sure that all 5 senses are aroused.
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Hi.. consult online for further evaluation and management
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Dr. L C Sunda
Psychiatrist
42 yrs exp
Delhi
Hey there,
I think a detailed medical and psychiatric history is always needed for every case.In addition,a detailed mental status assessment is also needed to make a diagnosis and also for a proper management of the case.
Next Steps
Having said that, I will advise you to get a Gynaecologist’s opinion about the problem of sexual activity should be taken.
Psychiatric advice can be taken afterwards.
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Dr. Kamal Kishore Verma
Psychiatrist
18 yrs exp
Agra
Consult immediately
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Dr. Mohd Ahsan
Psychiatrist
11 yrs exp
Lucknow
Suggestive of vaginismus and female hypoactive sexual desire
A thorough sexual history is required for detail evaluation and management
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