Psychological problems. Relation.

You seem to be going through a tough time with your mother in law. It is not an easy task to leave your family behind and find love and acceptance in a new home with different people. As you rightly said that each person is different, you need to remind yourself every time you interact with her. Since you wish to have a deep bond with her just like your mother, you might be having some expectations from her which she is not ready to give. Observe how she behaves with her own children, does she come across as selfish with them and others as well or is it just with you? Regarding your conjugal relationship, try to keep your differences out of the bed. This time is just between the two of you for the two of you. You can discuss the differences at other times.

Please see a counselling psychologist to address your concerns, vent out your concerns and understand how to behave with her in a way so that you could get a better response from her. Also, since your marital bond is getting affected, you could Look at ways to strengthen this new bond.

Most people are a product of their culture and their experiences in life. In some cultures and families, the DIL- MIL relationship is generally strained because of the conditioning of their mind. I suggest that you go slow and keep your expectations from her lower than you have. Though, it is easier said than done, You can choose to behave with her respectfully and politely for your own peace of mind.