Negativity and past bad experiences.

I had a rough childhood,broken marriage of parents,not good education,got married and married didn't go well end up in flight and argument in 1 day,got divorce,got into a relationship ,tried to commit suicide.i get offensive on every word said to me.i am unemployment for the past one year.i feel my boyfriend will not marry me .I stay at his place all the time and do nothing.we fight almost daily .I am gaining weight like anything.i tried to help myself but I couldn't change.every time I fight with my boyfriend I end up saying I will die and try to make him stay.i have a intention to live a good life and be normal and I need help.i think all the time about that something bad will happen to him or me . Kindly help.its been almost 2 years and from the last one year I have been very abusive to him and to his family .