Mental stress. Still it hurts me a lot.

Most often, we go about life as if we are at the receiving end of life, of situations, and while we are helplessly carried forward in this flow, experiences happen to us and we are expected to react to them as they happen. It's as if we are sitting on the passenger seat or the back seat while life is driving us. Eventually, when you reach a juncture where you have to start making choices and decisions, it is vital to know that you are at the wheel, driving. Having said that, I would like to make a few suggestions that might help you. Our attitude towards life in general and things in particular is based on our beliefs. What are your core beliefs about yourself and the world? Examine the reason why you would expect your wife to put you in the first place. Why do you need your wife to do that to make you feel worthy or important enough? Think about your definition of love and how you arrived at such a definition. Your expectations out of marriage and what are the factors (people, situations) who brought about those expectations. How would you ideally love someone? Would it be based on conditions? or would it be based on respect, care, concern and unconditional love and affection? Try writing them down and examine the validity of these beliefs. Some of them may be limiting and negative in nature because of the kind of feedback you received while growing up - at home, in school, from your classmates, friends, relatives, etc. But once you are aware of them, you shed light on them, they can no longer manipulate your behavior or actions. As your beliefs change, your attitude changes, and words, actions and behavior follow. Kindly read what follows : I want you to know that with awareness of how the mind works and how thoughts are generated, you will get better at dealing with them and thereby overcome the challenges you are facing right now. I want you to know that you are capable of doing this and can successfully deal with them. Understanding the nature of the mind and how thoughts are generated will help you deal with them. Today the mind is fixated on something. Tomorrow it might be on another topic/event/person. The nature of the Mind, which in simple terms we experience as thoughts, is such that, it will keep shifting its focus from one object/topic/event to another. Ii always needs something to hold on to. Another important characteristic of the Mind is this - You will either have thoughts about the past or the future. This will keep alternating. Try thinking about the present moment - you will see that the Mind and 'Now' can never coexist. The Mind has 3 states in general. Sometimes, you may find yourself having very positive, inspiring thoughts. During other times, you may find yourself very emotional, or all charged for action. Whereas during other times, you may feel very lethargic, dull or lazy. These states will keep alternating. Having understood the nature of the mind, the first step towards mental health is to become aware of your thoughts. Learning to be an observer of your thoughts, learning to observe them from a distance like clouds passing in the sky. The next step is knowing that you have the power to choose which thought you wish to focus on and act on and exercising that power. With practice, you will have better mastery over this process. Having negative thoughts is something that plagues everybody from time to time. Trust me, even if everything was perfect, you will still find some shortcomings somewhere and brood about it. Tension or anxiety is a physiological response which is again part of being human. It is normal to have such thoughts about any situation. As mentioned above, with practice, you will learn to focus and entertain only those thoughts are healthy enough to be acted upon. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, just bring your focus back to your breath and take a few relaxing breaths. You will automatically be able to focus on the task at hand and do what is required. Whatever you feed your mind through your sense organs will be replayed to you as thoughts. Be conscious of this. Take care of the content you feed your mind - the kind of books you read, the websites you visit, the kind of music you listen to, the kind of food you eat, the kind of company you keep ( "You are an average of five people you spend most of your time with" ) When you consciously make an effort to feed your mind positive, inspiring, motivational content and let go of limiting negative beliefs, i.e., stop listening to them and not allowing them to dictate the way you behave - new thinking patterns develop, you begin to explore new positive ways to respond to situations, the world responds to a new you, the feedback you receive changes - thus leading to new healthy beliefs taking shape and the cycle repeats. The next time you experience such negative thoughts, deal with it from the standpoint of knowing that it shall pass. Observe your bodily sensations without judging them as threatening. Know that it shall pass. Keep breathing slowly through it. Reflect on the following and write your answers down. Ask yourself : Where would I like to see myself ten years from now? What should I do today to reach there ten years from now? What would I do if I knew I wouldn't fail? What would I do if I weren't afraid? Write. Delete. Rewrite. Do this until you know you have been truly honest with yourself. No matter how impossible the answers might seem, I want you to know that you can and will make them possible. Take the first step. The rest will follow. A beautiful future awaits you. Take ownership of every moment, take responsibility for it and confidently work towards your dreams and aspirations. One day you will thank these dark moments for being the fuel for your success. Please set aside time for exercise daily and make sure you eat healthy every time. Our challenges that seem to threaten our very existence are the ones that serve as fuel for our evolution. Have faith in yourself. You are capable of dealing with this. You are going to do just fine. Take care.