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I thought my hubby is my soulmate
Meri shaadi ko 8 years hogye ..-abhi tak hubby loving hee the .. Lekin meri bidaai k time se hee hubby k parents ne mere parents ki disrespect hee ki .. itne years Toh Maine let go Kia kyuki hubby Acche h .. and hubby ne disrespect nahi ki mere parents ki but issbr jb hum India gaye , .. mother in law ki 60th bday party thi ..'mere parents ko dusri city se invite toh Kia inn logon ne but party mei itni disrespect ki , aakr greet tak nahi kia .. Issbr Maine sbkugh notice Kia .. they disrespected us in every way possible ..toh mere dimag me ye sb baatein thi but maien socha ki India se wapas aakr jb hubby aur bete k sath continue Karungi life wapas toh ye baat mention nahi karungi . But mother in law ne esa bhadkaya mere hubby ko ki unhone wapas aakr khud ye baat krdi and mere parents ko blame krne lge .. toh I couldn't hold back .. maine bhi boldia sbkugh and hubby ne ye bola Muje - Thappad pdenge tumhe .. my trust is shattered . I replied - aapko joote pdenge . I don't trust him ab
Answers (14)
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Aapne 8 saal tak relationship ko sambhala, adjust kiya, aur respect maintain karne ki koshish ki — lekin recent incident ne aapko deeply hurt kiya hai, especially jab baat aapke parents ki respect se judi ho. Yeh bilkul natural hai ki aapka trust shake ho gaya hai.
Do cheezein yahan important hain:
In-laws ka behaviour – unka disrespectful hona galat hai, lekin usse bhi zyada impact is baat ka hai ki aapke husband ne us situation ko kaise handle kiya.
Threat of violence (“thappad denge”) – yeh ek serious red flag hai. Chahe gusse mein bola ho, isse lightly lena sahi nahi hoga.
Aapka reaction bhi gusse aur hurt se aaya, jo understandable hai. Lekin ab situation ko thoda calm mind se dekhna zaroori hai.
Aap kya kar sakti hain:
Jab emotions settle ho jaayein, tab clear boundary conversation karein:
“Mere parents ki respect non-negotiable hai”
“Conflict ho sakta hai, lekin disrespect aur threats acceptable nahi hain”
Apne husband se yeh samajhne ki koshish karein ki unhone aisa react kyun kiya — kya woh pressure mein the, ya unka perspective kuch aur hai?
Agar communication repeatedly escalate ho raha hai, toh couple counselling strongly recommended hai.
Sabse important:
Trust ek baar toot jaye toh rebuild ho sakta hai, lekin sirf tab jab dono taraf se effort, accountability aur respect aaye.
Aap yeh bhi reflect karein:
Kya aap safe aur respected feel karti hain iss relationship mein?
Agar answer “no” hai, toh isko ignore karna long-term mein aur painful ho sakta hai.
Aapne itne saalon tak jo invest kiya hai, uska matlab hai yeh relationship important hai — lekin aapki dignity aur emotional safety usse bhi zyada important hai.
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Connect for couple counselling it will be fine
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Hi
Next Steps
hi
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"If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path."
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You both need post marital counseling sessions to overcome the issue.
You need to understand your priorities and correct your behaviour. Old stories don't add up for correction.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions.
You need an expert counseling psychologist who is good at marriage counseling.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and marriage Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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Thank you for sharing this—it sounds like a very painful and confusing situation for you.
What you experienced is not just about one incident. It involves:
Repeated perceived disrespect toward your parents
Emotional hurt that was suppressed for years
And now a serious breakdown in trust after your husband used threatening language
Your reaction is understandable. When something builds up over years and then gets triggered again, emotions can come out strongly.
What seems to be happening here
There are 3 important layers:
1. Unresolved Hurt
You ignored earlier incidents for the sake of peace, but the pain didn’t go away—it accumulated.
2. Triggering Event
The recent party and behavior of your in-laws reactivated those feelings, especially when your parents were involved.
3. Conflict Escalation
Instead of support, you felt blamed and the argument escalated to:
Hurtful statements
Threat I.e. thappad, which is serious and shook your trust
Threats of physical harm in arguments are not okay, even if said in anger.
Your feeling of broken trust is valid.
Next Steps
1. Pause direct confrontation for a short time
Since Right now emotions are high. Avoid heated discussions for a few days.
2. Have a calm conversation later (very important)
Focus on:
Your feelings
Not blaming language
3. Set a clear boundary
It is important to communicate:
“Arguments ho sakte hain, lekin disrespect ya threat acceptable nahi hai.”
4. Understand his side (without agreeing)
Sometimes partners get influenced by parents, especially in family conflicts.
Understanding does not mean accepting.
5. Consider couple counselling
A neutral third person can help both of you:
Communicate better
Set boundaries with extended family
Rebuild trust
Health Tips
This relationship is not necessarily “broken,” but it is hurt right now.
Trust can be rebuilt if:
There is acknowledgment of hurt
Respectful communication resumes
Boundaries are maintained
You deserve respect for yourself and for your parents.
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Hi
Psychologist in brief
Aapka dard sirf ek sentence ka nahi hai, yeh saalon ka jama hua hurt hai. Aap compromise karti rahi kyunki husband loving the aur relationship bachana chahti thi, lekin baar baar parents ki disrespect dekhna naturally andar resentment create karta hai. Is baar jab husband ne support dene ke bajay ulta blame kiya aur threatening language use ki, trust shake hona normal hai. Problem sirf in-laws nahi, ab issue emotional safety aur partnership ka ban gaya hai.
Abhi turant decision lene ke bajay pehle calm phase me baat karein. Husband se clear boliye ki disagreement alag cheez hai, par thappad jaisi dhamki unacceptable hai. Boundaries set karni hongi: parents ke matter me respect, fights me abuse nahi, aur teesre logon ki bhadkane wali baat par reaction nahi. Agar woh sunte hain aur repair effort dikhate hain toh trust rebuild ho sakta hai. Agar repeated threats, gaslighting ya disrespect continue ho toh couples counseling ya personal counseling zaroor consider karein. Trust words se toot ta hai aur consistent behavior se hi wapas banta hai. Seek help if needed: Nine Two Six Six Seven Two Six Zero Six Five.
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
Aapki feelings valid hain. Trust broken hai, isliye aapko emotional support lena chahiye. Kisi counselor se salah lein aur apne aapka khyal rakhein.
Next Steps
consult
Health Tips
seek help
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... Please seek Couple Therapy or Marital Counselling. These are not very good times for Families, Marriages, or Relationships at large. Lot of people are witnessing strained equations within their families, marriages, relationships, and this number is huge. Something has changed and there has been a flood of such cases that represent a torn in the social fabric of our society. Try not to fall in this negative spiral of destroying everything you have created after so much of efforts and love for so long. People are not static beings, they do change and evolve but it doesn't mean that their core have changed completely. It's quite impossible to project love for 8 years and suddenly go out of love. This torn equations between the in-laws (parents on both sides) is putting your marriage in a very difficult position. Try to understand, they are also married couples like you and your husband are. They are acting as a unit in this struggle of social and personal respect and you both need to do the same. Come together and face this conflict as a unit and not like two separate individuals who are trying to protect their side of the family, while destroying the one, you both have created with so much effort and love. Give it a thought. From where we got this family that we call our parents & siblings? This is a product of a Marriage, between our parents. Same way in your marriage, you and your husband are in the role of parents now. Think like a head of a unit and not like a junior member.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Couple Therapy or Marital Counselling is required.
Health Tips
Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Pooja Bhargava
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Delhi
Your trust has been deeply hurt and your anger is completely understandable. Please focus first on your safety and emotional calm and then decide your next step with clear boundaries
Next Steps
Reach out to a psychologist for individual counselling and consider couples counselling for helping build trust
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Ms. Sheetal Kusumbe
Counselling Psychologist
21 yrs exp
Thane
Hello,
Thank you for sharing your concern here.
Trust takes years to build and sustain. The shock around your husband's statement is understandable.
Communication is a power you can use to clear any misunderstandings and restore the faith in your relationship. Seeking the right opportunity when you both are calm and receiving, you can express your hurt and establish boundaries of the non negotiables in the relationship.
Being open to understanding the perspective of the other side helps in creating a bridge between the two.
Couple therapy sessions can be helpful to navigate the challenges in a healthy manner and navigate ahead peacefully.
You can consult for further professional guidance.
I wish you peace, happiness and holistic wellness.
Happy Healthy Living!
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Connect for couples counseling
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connect
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consult
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Ms. Akanksha Sharma
Counselling Psychologist
5 yrs exp
Faridabad
I’m really sorry to hear your situation. It seems a communication and trust breakdown in the marriage along with third party interference is causing problems. My suggestion would be to try to convince your husband for marriage counselling. Do not let the misunderstanding fester and spiral out of control.
Next Steps
Seek marriage counselling along with your husband
Health Tips
Try to regulate your own emotions and focus on stress reduction
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