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Family's support in Therapy advice
My brother 33M is starting therapy, the sessions haven't started yet. the test results are awaited. He's going through separation after a bad marraige of 2.5 vears but i feel he's been depressed longer. The thing is it's been more than a month he has stopped going to work. He says he's WFH but his profile involves him travelling. At home as well he locks himself in his room for the whole day... is only out for meals When there are guests over, he'll come out and interact with them nicely, but once they've left he'll lock himself again. My parents are extremely worried, they feel only if he goes out he'll feel better..I try to explain that he's not in a state to understand that. But it's a constant conflict between making parents understand and helping him get better. Parents also feel he's misusing my support with therapy as reason to avoid going to work. And as much I support him, I'm also worried that he shouldn't lose his iob, that will affect him more eventually. Need guidance
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This is such a hard position to be in — loving someone who’s struggling while also managing everyone else’s worry around them.
What your brother is showing — the isolation, avoiding work, only ‘performing’ when guests come — these are classic signs of depression, not laziness or misuse of support. He’s not choosing this.
Your parents mean well, but their anxiety is adding another layer for you to manage. That’s a lot.
Once therapy begins, things should become clearer for everyone — including a proper plan around work.
You’re already doing the right thing by standing by him. That support matters more than you know.
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Contact for consultation
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Hi
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Hi,
Itâs understandable to be concerned about your brotherâs mental health and the impact on his life, especially during this difficult time. Encouraging him to start therapy is a good step, and supporting him with patience and understanding is crucial. Gently suggest that he seek professional help promptly, and consider consulting a mental health professional yourself to learn how best to support him. Itâs important to balance respecting his space while ensuring he gets the help he needs to recover and regain stability. Also, consider involving a counselor or therapist who can guide the family on how to support him without pushing him further away.
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Consultation with me is advised
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It seems to be post traumatic depression and other psychological issues.
It needs to be treated asap otherwise it may get complicated and can affect his personal work and social life.
It needs to be treated in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience.
You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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Get an appointment with a psychotherapist to bring his entire problem into a streamlined perspective so that his current situation and desired outcome can be mapped and be worked out . It is important to take note of the entire history to be able to roll out a therapeutic prognosis
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Take an appointment with a counselling psychologist and a psychotherapist
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Connect with psychotherapist
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What you’re describing sounds less like avoidance and more like a person who is psychologically overwhelmed. When someone is going through depression, especially after a difficult separation, basic functioning like getting out of the room, going to work, or even facing people can feel extremely heavy. The fact that he can still come out and interact normally with guests shows that his ability is not gone but inconsistent, which is very typical of depression. Forcing him to just go out may increase guilt and withdrawal rather than help. At the same time your concern about his job is valid because long term disengagement can worsen both his mood and self worth.
Right now the focus should be on gentle structure rather than pressure. Instead of asking him to resume full work immediately, encourage very small achievable steps like sitting outside the room for some time, responding to a few work messages, or stepping out briefly. At the same time help your parents understand that this is not laziness or misuse but a mental health phase where pushing too hard can backfire. Therapy should remain the main intervention and these small steps should be seen as support not demands. If his withdrawal continues or worsens it is important to consider a psychiatric evaluation as well. The goal is to balance empathy with gradual activation so that he is supported without being pushed into shutdown. Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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What you’re describing does sound like depressive symptoms, but a proper diagnosis will need a detailed evaluation, so it’s good he’s starting therapy.
It may help to understand that in depression, it’s not about unwillingness, he may genuinely lack the energy and motivation to function. Even basic things like getting out of bed or working can feel overwhelming due to fatigue, low mood, and loss of interest.
So instead of pushing him to “just go out” or work, a more supportive, gradual approach works better. At the same time, since his functioning is quite affected, it would be advisable to consult a psychiatrist as well, medication along with therapy can help him recover more effectively.
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Hi, What you’re describing makes a lot of sense emotionally, even though it feels confusing on the surface.
You’re holding two difficult realities at the same time:
You can see your brother is not okay
And at the same time, life (job, responsibilities, parents’ expectations) is still moving
From what you’ve shared, his behavior fits quite closely with depressive withdrawal, especially when triggered or worsened by a major life event like separation.
Staying isolated in his room most of the day
Avoiding work (even if he says WFH)
Only “switching on” socially when needed (guests)
Emotional shutdown otherwise, the fact that he can come out and interact does not mean he’s okay. Many people with depression can “perform” socially for short periods and then crash back into withdrawal..
Your parents’ response is also very human:
1. They see inactivity → they think “he just needs to get up and go out”
2. They worry about his job → fear turns into pressure
3. They don’t fully understand depression → so they interpret it as avoidance
To them, action = recovery
But in depression, it’s often the opposite:
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1. Don’t try to “fix” his behavior support his safety first
Focus on:
Eating regularly
Sleeping somewhat okay
Not completely cutting off communication
Even small stability matters more than productivity right now.
2. Keep your connection with him soft, not corrective
Instead of:
“You should go to work”
“You can’t stay like this”
Try:
“I can see things feel really heavy right now”
“I’m here, even if you don’t feel like talking”
This reduces shame and shame is a big barrier in depression.
3. Introduce very small steps (not big expectations)
Instead of “go back to work”:
“Can you step out for 10 minutes today?”
“Can we sit together for tea outside your room?”
Depression responds better to micro-movements, not big goals.
4. Therapy
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Hi ,
I understand the symptoms are consistent with Depression, especially withdrawal, reduced functioning, and low motivation.
The fact that he can switch on socially when guests are around doesn’t mean he’s okay; many people struggling internally can still present well briefly.
Right now, starting therapy is a very important step, and until assessment results are in, it’s best to focus less on forcing change like going out or working and more on creating a low-pressure, emotionally safe space. You are right that pushing him to just get back to normal may not work at this stage.
At the same time, your parents’ concern about work and routine is valid, but the approach matters.
Instead of confrontation, try collaborative conversations like gentle check-ins for eg. What feels manageable this week?” can help him re-engage slowly.
You can also help bridge the gap by explaining to your parents that recovery isn’t avoidance; it’s often uneven and needs patience.
Do encourage a psychiatric consult medication can sometimes be necessary alongside therapy.
And, importantly don’t carry this alone your own boundaries and support system matter just as much.
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Create small routines without pressure, and help your parents understand this is part of Depression, not laziness.
Keep communication calm and consistent , not arguments. Appreciate small efforts he makes, as that builds motivation over time
Try to keep things predictable at home , regular meals, light conversation, no constant questioning, this helps him feel safer.
Gently encourage basic self-care , sleep, hygiene, short walks, and stay patient, as recovery is slow but happens gradually step by step .
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It is always tough to have a family member going through something tough mentally, and it’s not always easy to get the whole family to agree with a similar solution. It is great to see that he has a support of a brother to help him get out of this tough time.
When it comes to parents often times, it is hard for them to comprehend and understand on how to deal with such a situation as that is not something they were ever taught to deal with in the way that is recommended now.
One thing that could help, parents also understand and your brother that while all of them might not be on the same page regarding therapy, it is important that your brother has a supportive household that gives him the space to heal from the past.
While yes, occupation is a concern, and for that he might need a bit more support.
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Try to make your brother feel that things will very soon feel better, and he need not stop the rest of his life. One another suggestion that I would have is having family therapy as well as this helps all the members come together to understand how each others feels and is able to understand the person having a tough time, Better.
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Yes, going out. Can help a bit with your brothers problem, so if there’s anything that he would like to do and can be accompanied by his brother would be a great choice.
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Mr. Sandeep Kumar
Psychologist
15 yrs exp
Chandigarh
Dear concerned, Support him with patience and small steps toward routine while gently involving a therapist and setting realistic expectations with your parents.
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Ms. Pooja Bhargava
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Delhi
His withdrawal suggests he may be struggling emotionally. Starting therapy is a positive first step. Support and patience would help more than pushing him right now.
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Encourage small daily activities and gently explore temporary work flexibility while he begins psychological support
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