Disturbed times. Her and going worth it?

Been upset since my grandmother's death in 2016. I have not been able to grieve properly I guess. Got a good job, distracted me for a while. Left it later. I am married now. Everything is too good to be true in my new house. I am happy but something is bothering me. I am crying at anything insignificant. I write down whatever I feel sometimes it helps. But sometimes it does not. I am scared that something might happen to any of my closed ones so I stopped being the carefree person I was and now I think my new personality is bothering my people too. I think I felt lonely while staying in hostel for four years of college. Though no one will believe if I say that. I have more friends than anyone. But there are days I regret because 10 days after coming back I lost my grandmother. Was leaving her and going worth it? I don't know I ask myself everyday. I got Independence, self confidence but sometimes I am not sleeping at all thinking something or other. Right now anything can help.