Depression. Know where to go from here.

I can imagine how difficult it must be for you to deal with these difficult emotions to the extent that it is affecting your relationships as well as impairing your daily functioning. Also, I can understand your apprehension to approach a therapist, there is a big stigma attached to mental health issues. Addressing your issues: 1. Your apprehension about approaching a therapist is quite common, many people feel awkward opening up to a therapist in the beginning, but eventually they get comfortable. It's about taking one step. 2. Therapists are trained to listen to you non-judgmentally, they are trained to facilitate you to overcome the difficult feelings and help you problem-solve. You can try few sessions with a therapist to test your hypothesis about whether it helps you or not.

Consult a clinical psychologist to get a detailed evaluation done to work on the problem from the root cause.