Depression and frustration. I need help!

I feel i am growing insane.i cry & laugh at the same time.i was physically abused at the age of 14 fr almst 3 years by my school teacher.i had an arrogant family.i had an extremely good partner who was my boyfriend for about 6 years but eventually we broke up bcz of long distance.i have always been crying fr attention cz i feel too lonely.i hv sleeping disorders fr years now.a bad appetite.recently in last april i got in a relationship with a new guy who was my best friend since almst a year.i am a bengali brahmin n he is a keralian christian.th cultural n language difference was alwys thr.in aug i found out m pregnant.i had an abortion.things messed up a lot.i had a bad past.n in few instances i lied to him.petty lies bt yes i did.he is a very nice human being n i hurt him.i love him a lot bt he is not teady to listen to me.m shattered.i tried commiting suicide.bt i cant.i want him bck.i wnt him to listen to me.i feel claustrophobic.m goin insane.i need help