Confusion. anxity. panic attacks. Help!

Hello. I m going thru very bad phase of my life ...i cant think straight ... Sucidals thoughts are comming ..want to drink badly and want to forget every thingh .. I loved a girl ..we met ..her family knew .. My family knew .. After some 1 or 2 month she contacted me again .. And she was crying and pleaded me to talk to her .. And i did so ... And slowly i fall in love with her ... After 2 years she told me she is engagged with some boy by her family ... And then drama happens she got married to some 1 else and again drama happens ..one day she called me and told me she is divoring and want to be with me ... Without thinking much i agreed .. We were together for 1 year after that ... Then came the real thing ... She was married for 3 years .. She didnt told me .. She kept lying all these years .. That boy she engaged was fake it was her husband she was taking to .. She fooled me when i asked why she did so she told me that it all for u ..but now that know all i cant think .. plz help