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Confused , want clarity
4 years back, I ended my relationship with a guy because he was very controlling ana manipulating. He had narcissistic personality because of which i was in clinical depression, i had MDD, had physical symptoms and i was hospitalised for 4 days.
The day i left him since then he came to begging crying. In b/w he was committed to someone then also came to me that he cant love her and he always compare her to me, he cheated her with me promised me he will leave her and patch up with me that time i was convinced. Then he flipped and said parents are not convinced. 8 months later girl left him he came back to me and wanting me back. He lacks accountability. My question is i am so confused about going back to him, will he change? Or he will be the same again once i go back to him? How should i get clarity? Please help. When we were together he isolated me, use to threaten me abt going to other girls, abuse me, i used to cry daily blocks me, use to call my friends sexy and they have nice fig.
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Hi, it is completely okay that you feel confused. When someone has hurt us deeply but also shows love sometimes, our heart gets pulled in different directions. That kind of emotional push and pull can make it hard to let go, even when we know the person is not good for us.
What I can understand is:
This relationship has made you deeply unwell, emotionally and physically.
He comes back only when it suits him, not because he's ready to take real responsibility.
He treated you badly, by controlling, isolating, threatening, and disrespecting you.
To answer your question "will he change?" Unless he does serious inner work and takes full responsibility (which he hasnât so far), heâs very likely to repeat the same behavior.
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Listen to your past self and Ask yourself: How did I feel when I was with him? Did I feel safe? Seen? Respected?
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Hi,
Based on your experience, itâs very understandable to feel confused and uncertain about whether to go back to him. From what you've shared, he exhibited controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior, which caused you significant emotional distress and led to your depression. His pattern of cheating, making promises he didnât keep, lacking accountability, and emotionally isolating you indicates serious red flags. People with narcissistic traits often find it difficult to change unless they actively seek professional help and genuinely work on their behavior, which is not guaranteed. Returning to someone with such a history may put you at risk of being hurt again, especially if the core issuesâcontrol, manipulation, and abuseâare still present. To gain clarity, focus on your healing and well-being. Seek support from a mental health professional who can help you process past trauma, rebuild your self-esteem, and guide you towards healthy relationship boundaries. Remember, you deserve a relationship based on respect, trust, and safety. Take your time, prioritize your mental health, and trust your instinctsâyour happiness and safety are most important.
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consult with a Psychologist
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seek help
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It takes lot of guts to take this step...and talk about it... if a person is narcissist then please consult a therapist or a homoeopathic doctor for healing and wisdom to be wise to take action... don't forget that you r not alone u can always take professional help and get over it...
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consult a counsellor or a homoeopath.
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breathing exercises, yoga and yoga for your mindfulness is a must..
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Hi there,
It takes strength to speak up about such a painful cycle, you’ve already survived so much.
If someone caused deep harm before, they need to show sustained change, not just say the right things. Love without safety isn’t love, it’s control.
Next Steps
Please speak to a therapist. You don’t have to carry this alone, healing and clarity can begin with one safe space.
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Confusion is normal after abuse. But clarity comes not from waiting on them, it comes from choosing you first.
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It needs to be treated asap otherwise it may get complicated.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects.
It needs to be addressed in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Thank you for sharing so openly. Itâs completely understandable that you're feeling confusedâespecially when someone from your past keeps reappearing and making emotional appeals, despite having hurt you deeply. Your reflection shows strength and self-awareness, especially in recognizing the patterns of emotional abuse and manipulation you experienced.
From what you've described, this person has repeatedly shown a lack of accountability, inconsistency, and disrespect toward your emotional well-being. While people can change, real change requires sustained effort, responsibility for past harm, and a genuine commitment to growthânot just emotional promises or temporary behavior shifts. So far, his actions seem to reflect a repeating cycle rather than meaningful change.
If a relationship once led you to clinical depression, isolation, and emotional harm, itâs important to take that history seriously. Your questionâ"Will he change?"âis deeply valid, but a more empowering question might be:
"Is this relationship emotionally safe and healthy for me?"
I'm here if youâd like to explore this further in counseling.
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Working with a therapist can really help you process this fully, gain clarity, rebuild self-trust, and set boundaries that protect your well-being. You deserve emotional safety, respect, and a relationship where your feelings are valued and honored.
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Hi, Consult a psychologist
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Hi,
I hear the confusion, pain, and emotional pull this person still seems to have over you.
As a counselling psychologist, I want to offer both validation and clarity — because what you’re feeling is completely human, but also shaped by deep emotional trauma from the past.
It’s okay to feel conflicted — you’ve been through a lot. From what you’ve shared, this relationship brought you significant distress, impacted your mental and physical health, and left you feeling unsafe and disrespected.
While it’s natural to hope someone will change, true change requires accountability, consistent action, and emotional maturity — none of which he has shown so far. Real love doesn’t leave you isolated, anxious, or doubting your worth.
Healing does not mean going back to what once broke you. It means recognizing what hurt you and choosing not to walk back into it. You are not truly confused — your intuition already knows the truth. It is just waiting for you to fully trust it.
You have shown great strength in walking away before, and that strength is still within you.
If you’re feeling unsure, speaking to a therapist can help you process these feelings and rebuild clarity.
You deserve love that feels safe, steady, and kind — and that begins with choosing yourself.
Next Steps
Consult
Health Tips
Start by giving yourself the space you truly deserve — take a few minutes each day for deep breathing to calm your mind, move your body through gentle exercise or walks to release stress, and try journaling your thoughts and feelings to hear your own voice more clearly.
These actions can help you reconnect with your strength, rebuild clarity, and remind you that you are already on the path to healing.
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Hey
You’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable that you feel confused. From what you’ve shared, this person has shown repeated patterns of manipulation, emotional abuse, and lack of accountability. These patterns typically do not change unless the person acknowledges their behavior, seeks therapy consistently, and shows long-term change—and even then, change is not guaranteed. His coming back each time does not reflect genuine change; it reflects his need for control, not love.
To gain clarity, list down what you truly want in a relationship and how you felt during the relationship with him. Notice the cycle: isolation, threats, insults, and emotional distress leading to hospitalization. If you go back, the past pattern is likely to repeat because he has not shown accountability or sustained change. It’s normal to miss a bond, but you deserve a relationship where you feel safe, valued, and respected. Therapy can help you process your confusion, strengthen your boundaries, and heal from the trauma bond this cycle has created.
Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Consult for detailed sessions
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Reach out for sessions
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Just read what you have mentioned...do you deserve this behaviour? connect with psychologist to resolve inner conflicts
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consult
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connect
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Hey,
First, I’m really sorry you went through all of that and what you’ve shared shows so much strength and self-awareness.
The way he treated you with aspects of the control, manipulation, emotional abuse, and disrespect isn’t just “a phase” or a one-time thing. These are serious patterns, and people rarely change unless they seek help and do deep inner work and not just say they’ll change.
Right now, your confusion is totally valid. But clarity often comes when we stop asking, “Will he change?” and start asking, “What do I deserve?” You deserve peace, respect, and love that feels safe.
Healing is hard, but going back to someone who caused you pain won’t give you that clarity. Please protect your heart as you’ve already come so far. Talking to a therapist or a psychologist could help you untangle these feelings even more deeply. Please take care
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
I would suggest you to consult a psychological Counselor for a therapy to get a clarity so that you would be in a position to take decisions of your own life..
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Mr. Hifzul Rahman Kottangodan, PhD, CHLC, CPI
Counselling Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi
Both of you need to reframe the personality. Along with reframing you may need medication for few months.
I have been in my service for 17 years and my feedback speaks well. Thanks
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
As you mention, this guy is toxic for you, he has disturbed you to an extent that you had to be hospitalised for 4 days. He cheats on you, n only comes back when he has no one else. Even when he is with you, he really isn’t with you. A person who accuses you, makes you feel guilty for looking g after yourself is not a good person.
What confuses you here is that you are in a habit of this guy. He knows you are available for him, hence takes you for granted. You are not thinking about the fact that you are much more important to yourself. U deserve better. You have strayed to think less about yourself because of him. You are only 22 yrs, you have a long way to go.. this guys is not the end of the world.
Happy to help. Contact me at eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero
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Mr. Fr Dr John Zachariah
Counselling Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Ernakulam
Consult a psychologist
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consult our psychologist in ernakulam kochi
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for malayalam consultation 8589*8537*65
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