BPD, Depression, Steroids. I am facing.

Hello doctor, i am suffering from BPD. I am currently not under any treatment. I don't know what is going on inside me. Low self esteem, poor communication skills, Distorted body image, Lack of clear and sensible thinking .. are some of the biggest problems i am facing. Life is killing me in thousand ways. My life has not been one smooth ride. Now, it is all going extremely wrong. I bought some extremely dangerous ANABOLIC STEROIDS thinking that bulking and muscle gains will make me a hulk and make me admirable. TESTOSTERONE, DECA DURABOLIN, DIANABOL, OXYMETHALONE are the steroid i bought. These steroid can give me grave consequences. Really have no idea what to do. Please help me by providing me with some advise. Help me. Thank you